This is how it starts… A bunch of campaign insiders – the media types, spin doctors, pollsters and publicists – are doing an all-nighter, a sea of poll data rolled out in front of them. Sleep-loss turns to silly time and then the whole thing takes off.

“Well, Roger, according to this we need a woman who’s against equal pay for women.”

“Yeah, that ought to be easy, ha, ha. Why not make her a creationist who doesn’t believe in global warming and wants to drill for oil in her own back yard.”

“No, no wait, let’s also make her a soccer mom with a slew of kids and a pregnant teenager – and she favors only abstinence being taught in the schools. You know, she walks the walk for her principles.”

“And her kid waddles the waddle. Nice.”

“I love it. And, and she’s a hunter and a former beauty queen with a blue collar husband…”

“Maybe a mayor of some little Mayberry town nobody ever heard of, where everybody has a flagpole in the front yard and a gun rack on the pickup.”

“Yeah, and she loves the war, thinks Iraqis are terrorists and has a family member in combat, and, and…”

The door opens and “consultant” Karl Rowe enters. “So what did you guys come up with? Who would make John’s perfect running mate?”

“I’m sorry boss. We were getting silly.”

“Well, show me what you got?”

“It’s stupid. We were playing with the numbers and, well …not only couldn’t we find somebody like this, she’d be a heart attack away from the red button with no foreign policy experience whatsoever. That scares even us. But, here, here’s what I mean. Technically the numbers would poll in our favor if there were such a person – but of course, there isn’t. And if there were … well, we couldn’t seriously consider…”

Karl looks through the pages. “Uh huh, uh huh. Yeah, the numbers work. We can do this.”

“What?! Boss, we were kidding. There is no such person.”

“Just find somebody close and we’ll make up the rest.”

“How could she be a serious candidate for the second most important job in the world?”

“Let me worry about that. Just find me somebody who comes close to those requirements. And by the way, the President is the second most important person in the world.”

“Whose first?”

Karl smiles and closes the door.

“Oh. Yeah, right. OK EVERYBODY, YOU HEARD THE MAN. FIND THIS WOMAN?

And the rest, as they say, is history.